The next years brought them many joys. A full house of five children to love. And love they did. We were a warm loving bunch back in those days. Gramma joining our household for many years, the many pets we had over the years, the family holidays to the east coast or the US, the camping trips and fishing trips... the list could go on forever. They were good, normal, happy times.

When growing up, I always thought I was so lucky. Friends had parents who divorced, drank too much or both parents worked to many hours and left them alone to often. We didn't have any of that. We five kids had two parents who loved us... completely. They loved each other... completely. My father worked hard so that my mother could stay home and care for us. We had lunch ready for us when we came home from school and a snack, a big hug and a mom who couldn't wait to hear about our day when we came home after school. Our family ate dinner together every night, we kids went to girl guides, scouts, played hockey, the clarinet or twirled the baton. Our parents nurtured our interests, taught us to appreciate life and what it had to offer and really enjoyed spending time with us.

To say that we were a 'normal' family? I don't know... in the world that we lived in with the divorce rate, child abuse, latch key kids, drug and alcohol addictions etc... maybe we weren't 'normal'... but we were loved... in every sense of the word.

We grew, like all families do... to include husbands, wives, grandchildren, more pets, x-spouses and new spouses, our own houses... but the house on Strathcona Drive in Belleville... was 'home' to us all.

Richard and Beverley also had hard times. But like all good marriages, they seemed to work through them.  They also sheltered their children from the harsh realities of those difficult times.

Richard's younger brother died of a brain tumour as a young man leaving a wife and children behind. They kept the pain of that to themselves never allowing their children to be burdened by it.

Richard had a terrible time with his parents as they aged. Severe mental illness, Alzheimer's, dementia, violence. Nice, kind, loving people... altered by mental illness that was very hard to understand. They kept the pain and frustration of that to themselves as well... protecting their children from the harshness of it.

There were problems with Richard's other brother Ron too that we just didn't understand. But, because Richard was our father, we respected his decision to avoid contact with Ron and didn't ask to many questions. We were never allowed to hear why that happened. Protected again from his reality of the situation.

Beverley's mother died of a lung disease called Pulmonary Fibrosis. A lung disease terribly hard on the person dying and equally hard on those who watch it. Then after her death, problems with Beverley's sister and her family arose. More people isolated from the Lloyd family's life. More hurt, more pain, more misunderstanding and although we 'children' were older now, we were still protected from the pain Richard and Beverley felt from the loss of both mother and sister.

There were problems between siblings. There is no law that says you have to 'like' your siblings just because they are your siblings. And we didn't. It eventually caused siblings to become estranged from both other siblings and parents. Not 'normal' I suppose... but at the time... it was explainable and it made sense.

Then, there were health problems. Beverley's mostly. Problems with her eyes, her teeth, her health in general was beginning to cause them both to be concerned. But the worst was the diagnosis of the early stages of the same illness that killed her mother. Pulmonary Fibrosis. They kept this to themselves too. They didn't share it with their children or most others for fear of causing them to 'worry' about them. It was their way... to protect those they loved from pain and worry.

I don't know when it started. I don't know when Richard Lloyd changed. Did he change? It was subtle to say the least. Some said he started to change around the time he retired. Others say only in the last 4-5 years. He did 'odd' things, true, but what older person didn't? He was in his 70's. Is it unusual for a man of 72 to be 'set in his ways'? Demanding? Protective of his wife in her failing health? "Controlling" perhaps? Determined not to let those who disrupted his life continue to do so? I don't know. I guess... if everyone who knew Richard Lloyd, got together in the same room and we all discussed him and our individual concerns for him then maybe we would have suggested that he seek some help... maybe. But that didn't happen because not one person was concerned enough because of what they saw or heard to do something about it. Not that we didn't care... we just were not shown what was going on inside Richard Lloyd's mind. He didn't let anyone 'in'. He protected us all from the demons that were taking over his mind... even his wife.

Richard Lloyd apparently had an affair at least 10 years prior to Sept '01. Whether this was an actual love affair, or an indiscretion of the mind, or if it was anything at all... we will never know. Personally... I believe it was an indiscretion of the mind. Richard would have demanded himself to be pure in mind, body and soul to the woman he loved. At any rate, Richard believed that because of this, he was unworthy to be continue being an active member of the Masonic Lodge. He took his vow to that organization very seriously. He stopped going, but continued to receive the newsletters, magazines etc. so he could keep informed. He also felt unworthy to be married to such a wonderful woman so he increased his desire to make her life perfect in every way possible. He protected her even more.

What was actually happening in those 10 years was that his mind was dementing... just like it had with his parents. He developed (according to the psychiatrists who examined him after September 2001) the early stages of Alzheimer's and he was suffering from increasing paranoid delusions. He believed he had disappointed and 'soiled the name' of the Masons so much, that they would come to 'get him'. Over the years, he thought they would come to kill him and to abduct Beverley.

Over the years, Beverley's health failed and he became overly concerned about that. He wanted to protect her from pain and suffering. He couldn't control her illness.

Over the years, his paranoia grew.

September 11th, 2001. The United States is bombed by terrorists. This had a huge impact on all of us. On the world. The impact that it had on Richard Lloyd, was life changing. He believed that terrorists were going to come and bomb Belleville. He believed that terrorists were going to come and kill him and do 'unmentionable things' to his beloved wife. He couldn't sleep at night. He wouldn't talk about it. The paranoia grew. He had the additional fear of Beverley dying the slow and painful death that her mother died of... and soon! He wanted to protect her from that and his children from witnessing what he and Beverley witnessed when Beverley's Mother died.

Since sometime in the early part of September, Beverley planned to go out for lunch with some friends from school. Friends she hadn't seen in years. Friends Richard didn't know. Because over the course of a few years, Beverley was feeling pretty over protected with Richard's concern over her health, she insisted on going for this lunch, even when Richard told her it wasn't a good idea and that he would rather she didn't go. That luncheon was planned for September 26th 2001.  She never made it.

Richard paranoia grew. His delusions overwhelmed him but still he kept them to himself. His fear grew. He thought that those women were sent from the Masons to cause his beloved wife, great harm. He knew in his mind that they were after her because his mind told him that the Masons wouldn't send women to get him.

 

What REALLY happened on the morning of September 23rd, 2001 will never be known for sure. Richard said a few different versions. Was it a mercy killing because he couldn't stand to see her go through the pain of dying from this lung disease? Was it such fear that the Masons and/or the terrorists were going to come and cause them unbelievable harm that these delusions caused him to take matters into his own hands so that he would have control of their fate?

 

It is the opinion of a very trusted psychiatrist that Richard was so sure that he and Beverley would die at the hands of the Masons and/or the terrorists and in such a way that he would not have a way of protecting Beverley, that he took matters into his own hands. Then... after it happened he realized what he did and changed it to a more 'respectable' story of mercy killing. He always said, that after years of marriage, the best way to die is with the one you love.

The psychiatrist believes that Richard's plan was to take Beverley to church and then after, when they were both in the van, he would drive it into the Bay of Quinte where they would die together. Whether Beverley suspected and feared his behavior or whether as Richard said, she felt ill, she didn't want to go to church that morning, his 'plan' was changed. So, instead, Richard got a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her. After she was gone, he left the house and drove away with the intention of driving himself into the Bay. The psychiatrist believes that sometime during that drive he "woke up" from his delusional state and realized what he had done. Richard returned to his home, saw what he had done and not wanting to die separately from her, he attempted to take his own life. He stabbed himself in the chest, neck, wrists and abdomen 22 times. He did not die. Just before 5:00 he called 911 because the thought had crossed his mind that one of his five children would come into the home and find them like this.

Nobody saw this coming!! Not even his wife of almost half a century.

Since that day, Richard has been in the 'system'. Hospitals to repair his initial injuries, hospitals to reverse a colostomy that he was required to use because of his injuries, mental health hospitals, jails. The legal system is a very difficult system to work with and to understand. It is unbearably slow. It does things that are impossible for the lay person to understand. It seems so cold and uncaring. It is so slow.

Two years and thirteen days after Richard killed Beverley, he stood trial before the Supreme Court of Justice in the same city where they lived for 38 years.

The trial was difficult to say the least. The siblings who have never been the closest have made a sharp line of differences. My sister Kathy and I both understand that Richard is a very sick man. As with ANY illness, he should be treated as a sick man. We don't support what he did... like everyone we HATE what he did... my Mother was my best friend... but we support the man, for the man he has always been. My Dad. There has never been a day when my Dad would not help me if he could. He was always there for me as he was for his other children until his illness started to take hold of him. Now it is our turn to be there for him.

Others in the family believe they are standing up for Beverley. They believe that we don't care about her. In reality, I believe like my sister does, that Beverley would be appalled by the way her family is behaving. I believe that I am doing just exactly what my mother would do if the roles were reversed. Beverley was a caring, kind, compassionate woman and I believe she would never even consider leaving a loved one in the most desperately frightening time of their life. There have been accusations, insults, childish behavior and guilt, based on failed relationships.  It appears some may have felt insulted that they were not put in charge of Richard and Beverley's affairs and were not given what they feel is 'fair' from their estate. It would seem negative emotions and alternative agendas are in control.  The psychiatrist has even warned about the potential for the "male to male genetic disorder" which affected Richard to continue in the genes.

Richard's original charge of first degree murder was reduced to second degree murder for which he stood trial. His defence was "Not criminally responsible by reason of a mental disorder" (NCR). The law is very clearly defined and the judge decided that manslaughter was the most appropriate conviction.  Everyone... judge, crown attorney, defence lawyer and all the doctors who assessed Richard agree that he is a "very sick man".

However, for NCR to be accepted, you have to be sick in just the right way.

 

The verdict was manslaughter.

This verdict has good and bad points to it. If, he had been found NCR, he would have been remanded to a provincially run, secure mental health facility where he would receive treatment for his illness. The bad side of that is that he is extremely good at hiding his feelings, fears, demons etc. so there is a possibility that he could do that there while being assessed and be released. There is no sentence there; he is just there until he is well again.

 

Manslaughter, I have learned, will mean that he spends time in a correctional facility. That's the hard part. In a perfect world, I would like to see him in a setting where he can be secure but have some limited freedom to spend part of his days in the outdoors he loves so much and at the same time get the treatment he needs so much. Unfortunately, that won't happen. There are a number of options as far as sentencing go. A term in a federal facility would see him in a penitentiary where I am told there is a possibility of on-going testing and treatment.

 

A Provincial penitentiary is a possibility also but with less to offer him. I am told, that we can 'likely expect' the low end of the typical 6-10 year sentence in a federal penitentiary. Ultimately, it is the judges decision and we won't know for sure until November 4th.

Opinions on the matter of Richard and Beverley Lloyd vary greatly. Most, understand the illness and because of their love and respect for them as they once were, are able to forgive as God would want us to and pray for the best for Richard and his family. Some cannot understand the depths that mental illness reach and cannot bring themselves to wish him anything but his remaining days spent in a bleak prison setting... or worse.  There are some who think the support I have given my father is inappropriate. He killed a beautiful woman.  A mother, friend, sister, aunt, grandmother.  He has caused an irreparable riff between family members. That is all true.  But, I have said since we began to learn the extent of his illness that if it had been ANY other illness, that inadvertently cause Beverley to die... we would not hesitate to support him. If his Alzheimer's caused him to start a fire and Beverley died that way. If he had a heart attack while driving and a car accident caused her death. If Parkinson's disease caused him to knock her down and she received a fatal blow to the head. Any of these things would have brought sympathy and understanding for Richard... but mental illness is just not understood as the terrible illness that it really is.

 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers over the last 2 years. Please continue to pray for those with mental illness and their plight to be understood.